Tearin' Up My Heart

There are some things I will always regret in my life. But the worst thing I could ever do is hurt someone. But it seems like I end up doing it all the time. Honestly, I'd rather hurt inside than see someone close to me going through hell because of me. Forgive me (you know who you are) for this was the only thing I could have done. It's better than me lying to you...

For The Little One!!!

This one is dedicated to the “little one” at home. It’s been a while since I sounded even a wee bit happy. Well, here it comes. I have 2 exams left and about 3 days left until I get back home. The run up is awesome. I talk to my family almost everyday, something that doesn’t seem sensible during the rest of the term. This time my cousin sister’s over from Australia, and that makes it even more exciting. The measly 7 days I get is never enough and I end up wanting more. The catching up and the making up for lost time is wonderful. While everyone at home wants to go out shop and eat outside, I’d rather stay home and absorb everything to pull me through the 3 months I’ll be away. It’s quite a scene at home when we try to arrive at a compromise. But then, what family doesn’t fight. It’s fun sometimes, and I miss it!!!

Summer is right around the corner. And by that I mean there are 3 months left. That’s not too long considering it’s one whole academic term. Enough stuff to keep one busy. I haven’t really heard from the company I’m doing my internship at. So I have no idea where I’ll be this summer. I so want to be home, something unimaginable 3 years ago.

Well, I better get back to studying for tomorrow’s exam. The last mile is the hardest!!!

P.S. Doodle, tell me if this one’s ok. Your wish is my command, you big bully!!! Nah, kidding! I love you little girl!

In The Middle Of It All

End term exams going on. Found this in the library. Was intrigued. Had heard about it but never knew what it was about. So here I am, all set to start reading with 4 more papers to go. Why aren't my textbooks as interesting as books like these???

The Countdown Continues

It's official!!! 1 week to go!!! Yippie!!!

Look What I Found!!!

While going through my posts I found one saved as a draft. I wonder why I didn't publish it. Will always remain a mystery to me. While I ponder about the mysterious occurrence, you go ahead and read what I almost lost.

"Back To Square One"

June 17, 2005 4:54 pm

Guess who's back...back again!!!

It's been a week since I got back to L. After a dream weekend with my family on campus, it was time for me to face the the storm alone. And that is exactly what I'm doing right now. The weather here is calm and scorching, but also stormy at the same time. With a smile on my face I look as though I don't have a worry in the world. But the real story always unfolds behind closed doors. Thank God for my hostel room!!!

Numb

Linkin' Park does a great job of expressing what I feel like every single day at L. By the way, awesome song too!!!

NUMB

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I knowI may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Mama I'm Comin' Home

12 days left. Need I say more???

Am I a Misfit?

When I look around me I wonder whether I will ever fit in. And no, this is not about me having an inferiority or superiority complex.

Let's start at the beginning - School. I had my usual group of friends. We'd occassionally meet up over a weekend, usually for a movie and lunch. As we got older, these turned into late night parties. I'll be honest when I say that I didn't attend many of these. Perhaps this was one reason why I ended up on the periphery of the friends circle. Another reason I can attribute my diminishing presence on the social front was that I realized how important academics was at that time in my life. I'm proud to say that I balanced my studies with my social life, not overdoing or underdoing either of them. This was something nobody seemed to be able to digest. For them, it was one way or the other. The party goers were not more than average in studies and the studious ones were loners. I got stuck somewhere in the middle and lost my friends.

College came next. I did extremely well in school by the end of it all and got into the best college for my choice of subjects. This was a totally different world for me. Having grown up in a coeducational school, a girls' college took some getting used to. I enjoyed every moment of it though and have made few but long lasting friends there. Here, too, there were times I felt I stood out. Be it elections for the Students Union or studying for the CAT or even taking up dance and french in addition to the workload I already had. Add to that a boyfriend I had for 4 years. Again, it all paid off and I got into L. I won't lie and tell you that I was thrilled. I was definitely disappointed, but "something's better than nothing".

The next chapter of my life is the one that led me to write this blog anyway. To be publicly embarrassed at L was more than I could take. To return has been harder than anything I have ever had to do. In fact, I doubt anything will ever be harder. I have worked my a$% off here and I still don't feel a part of this place. Sitting in one corner of my class, I feel like an outsider. My previous batch has reached far beyond me and I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of the 2 batches.

Again, I lose my identity in a crowd.