When I look around me I wonder whether I will ever fit in. And no, this is not about me having an inferiority or superiority complex.
Let's start at the beginning - School. I had my usual group of friends. We'd occassionally meet up over a weekend, usually for a movie and lunch. As we got older, these turned into late night parties. I'll be honest when I say that I didn't attend many of these. Perhaps this was one reason why I ended up on the periphery of the friends circle. Another reason I can attribute my diminishing presence on the social front was that I realized how important academics was at that time in my life. I'm proud to say that I balanced my studies with my social life, not overdoing or underdoing either of them. This was something nobody seemed to be able to digest. For them, it was one way or the other. The party goers were not more than average in studies and the studious ones were loners. I got stuck somewhere in the middle and lost my friends.
College came next. I did extremely well in school by the end of it all and got into the best college for my choice of subjects. This was a totally different world for me. Having grown up in a coeducational school, a girls' college took some getting used to. I enjoyed every moment of it though and have made few but long lasting friends there. Here, too, there were times I felt I stood out. Be it elections for the Students Union or studying for the CAT or even taking up dance and french in addition to the workload I already had. Add to that a boyfriend I had for 4 years. Again, it all paid off and I got into L. I won't lie and tell you that I was thrilled. I was definitely disappointed, but "something's better than nothing".
The next chapter of my life is the one that led me to write this blog anyway. To be publicly embarrassed at L was more than I could take. To return has been harder than anything I have ever had to do. In fact, I doubt anything will ever be harder. I have worked my a$% off here and I still don't feel a part of this place. Sitting in one corner of my class, I feel like an outsider. My previous batch has reached far beyond me and I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of the 2 batches.
Again, I lose my identity in a crowd.
9 comments:
What has happened to you? You might be siting the corner seat but without you the class really looks dull as well as our project groups.
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
So cheer up after 8 months, u wont be here with us to keep the class alive.
well.. i have been following your blog but this is first time when i believe i should comment...
Frankly speaking i have never felt more disappointed than after reading this post of yours.... Such passimism from a zealous bandi like you was unexpected .. what you are saying as "standing out' i call it outstanding... sitting in a corner of class but contributing the most (atleast you keep awake or shall i remind you last MM lecture)... life is not a puzzle that you keep trying to fit all the time ..its all about what you wish to be and are you going there... The Misfits are those who dont know why they are here for and where they re going.....i'll just say cheerup gal and well you may call us juniors but we take you as an integral part....tc
u know what i learnt in law school..there is always a way to interpret words to get to the conclusion you want.. so u may see urself as a misfit or... one standing out of the crowd.. an angel amongst a herd of cows.. think about it
C'mon Prerna...going by your term I grades ,I think itz time that u start feeling like a cornerstone rather than the cornermost in your class . :)
Keep blogging newayz.
Hi Prerna,
Just go to your blog from your orkut profile. You might be a self-styled misfit, but remember history shows that misfits have changed the world
BTW i don't know why many girls have pink backgrounds on their blogs --- is it more feminine.
see this:
www.budgetingbabe.blogspot.com
Many admirers indeed :P
And yeah , you asked whther your blog is depressing, well its surprising to say the least,not depressing.
Waise, methinks u r overlooking a very obvious point but i'll leave it to you to figure all that out.
one word hun,,,LIFE. :)
Bulla, ki jaana main kaun
Bulla, ki jaana main kaun
Na main moman vich maseetan
Na main vich kufar dian reetan
Na main pakan vich paleetan
Na main andar bed kitaban
Na main rehnda bhaang sharaban
Na main rehnda mast kharaban
Na main shadi na ghamnaki
Na main vich paleetan pakeen
Na main aaabi na main khaki
Na main aatish na paun
Bulla ki jaana main kaun
Na main arabi na lahori
Na main hindi shehar nagaori
Na hindu na turk pashauri
Na main bhet mazhab de paya
Na main aadam hawwa jaya
Na koi apna naam dharaya
Avval-aakhar aap nu jana
Na koi dooja hor pacchana
Maithon na koi har syana
Bulle shauh Kharha hai kaun
Bulla ki jaana main kaun
You can be a Miss who Fits
Most cancerians perpetually feel this 'misfit' role. We console ourselves that maybe this misfit is for the better, but well, I still do not know!
Hope you are feeling much more perked up than this post. Just going through your archives.
Love the way you bring out your words.
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